I don't know what they are but I'm sure they exist. Here are the 10 Commandments of Parenting we're living by in the Knight household these days.
**Commandments subject to change at my whim.**
1. Don't leave home without an extra outfit for everyone in your party because there's a good chance poop is going to end up on one or all of you. Maggie decided to poop on a complete stranger at a party a few weeks ago, thereby; completely mortifying her mother, but that's another blog post for another time :)
2. Its cool to go to bed at 8pm. This is because its NOT cool to be mistaken for a zombie in the workplace or look perpetually drugged because your eyes or constantly blood shot or put your car keys in the refrigerator because that is obviously the most logical place for them - due to lack of sleep.
3. Encourage those man-burps and cheer on those diaper explosions. The alternative is a gassy, cranky, baby with a bellyache, which contributes to the zombie-like parents mentioned above. So throw that dignity out the door! Who needs it! Let the bodily functions flow.
4. Love the chub. There's a reason no one's come up with Weight Watchers for Babies. Its a bad idea. Your infant is supposed to be chubby and rolly and pudgy. If any other well-meaning parent tries to tell you otherwise you have my permission to slug 'em. You can blame it on me.
5. Let her cry. You can do it. Its hard. Its heartbreaking. You'll probably pace the floor. You'll wonder if it will ever stop. You'll be sure those huge crocodile tears will be your undoing. But if nothing is wrong and she's just being a bit of a hard-head then you have to let her cry it out. There are no rules that say you can't cry too. You just can't give in or your baby will WIN. And we know this is all about a power struggle right?
6. Don't give her fruit first or she'll NEVER eat vegetables. Personally, I completely agree. I skipped fruit and went straight to chocolate cake. She loved it. Then we went for carrots, sweet potatoes, and green beans. As you can see by her photo, Maggie's not a picky eater.
7. Don't use baby talk or your child's language development will lag. We're not huge fans of baby talk in the Knight house. We stick mainly to blowing spit bubbles, blowing raspberries on her belly, and pretending to eat off her fingers and toes to get her to giggle. Who has time for language development??
8. Don't let your baby watch TV or he or she will have a short attention span. I agree that TV is a bad habit. But so is falling asleep at church or your desk. So, occasionally Maggie takes in some Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Franklin the Turtle while Mommy or Daddy snoozes beside her. Judge if you must but only if you have no children, got 10 hours of sleep last night, and promise not to tell me about it. I already feel like an idiot parent half the time and I don't need your internet facts about ADHD to make me feel worse.
9. Accessorize! Your kid could be wearing a onesie that's 2 sizes too small and smells like spit-up or the sweet potatoes she smeared in her hair at dinner last night but if you put a giant bow on her head no one will even notice.
10. Hug her so tight she gets squirmy and kiss her so many times she gets squirmy and smile at her like she's the most important thing in the room and soak up every moment because they'll go by too fast, especially if you're stuck in the afore mentioned sleep-deprived zombie state. If you can keep this one commandment...you can throw the others out the window.
Your friendly neighborhood commandment-maker-uper,
Maggie's Mom
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